Me

People truly amaze me at times. Since I've become a widower people are so unsure on how to approach or talk to me. I've just recently started dating again and naturally you tell people your life story so that they know where you came from and where you are. When I get to my recent loss the energy in the room changes.
I've yet to meet someone that hasn't told me, "I can't replace Edward in your life." I'm like...duh!! I know that!! I'm not trying to replace Edward, there is no replacing! He and I didn't break up...he died and I have to live out the rest of my life.
Another guy said to me, "How can you love someone else when you still love him?" Those of you that know me already know that I went off. Not because of how stupid the statement was but for the fact that you would say that I still love a man that just died barely 5 months ago.
I knew getting back into the dating scene would become frustrating but now it's gotten to another level entirely. People say the dumbest things and look at you waiting for a response. It trips me out because I find myself to be very open and honest about my feelings when I'm talking to people but lately I've caught myself holding back what I really want to say.
I knew my life would change drastically after Edward passed but my GOD I never imagined that I would go through this all over again. After being with someone for 10 years you forget about the little irritants that you dealt with when you were out there looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Now it's like I've been thrown in the middle of the deepest ocean and I haven't been properly trained to survive in the conditions of the water.
My dreams haven't changed at all. I still want to become a famous author, I still want to sing, I still want to act and I still want to be a father. What I've decided to do is focus totally on those goals and if a man happens to thread his way into my fabric of life then fine...but I think I'll back off of the dating scene for a little while.
Now don't get me wrong I still have the need of a touch, a decent conversation and just some attention every now and again but DAYUM!!! Can I meet a brotha that is about the same?
People pray for us single folks because the world out there now isn't about life long connections it's about quick physical gratification. In this day and age that's dangerous but if you find the right one you can enjoy those moments with the bonus of so much more!
Hopefully I'll find it again!