Deep Rooted Hatred

Not calling during the holidays
Always complaining of someone hurting your feelings
You never take the responsibility for your actions yet you want to wear the Mother hat at the moments where it pleases you
It must be something about being the center of attention
I guess that means the rest of your life isn't that happy or fulfilling
You need more love than you are able to offer
You like to see division in a family that you claim you are working so hard to keep together
You go to mediums and fortune tellers informing you that you are the family's savior yet you are one of the main causes of the family separating
After so many years on earth you have no wisdom to share, no words of guidance to give
When you are confronted with your actions you run to the bible
It amazes me how people can always try to find a passage in the bible to excuse the hell that they place on the lives of others
Unhappiness is one of the main reasons I feel you are the way you are
Though I love you through it I now know that it is best for me to keep away from you
There isn't any real love in your heart
You turn on your own child and your grandchildren
So why would I think that I'm any better
Why would I think that I'm that special
I've tried for several years to break away that wall you build, to no success, the wall gets bigger and bigger
You live in total denial and you have such a keen eye on the faults of others
What a shame that you would be considered the matriarch of the family after the loss of our Mother
The truth is you couldn't wear her shoes if she came back to earth and handed them to you
She was raised to be strong, she was the heart of the family, the wife that kept her marriage together even when everyone thought she should have walked away
She showed love to all of her children even though the death of her first daughter stayed with her
She was able to manage through, though hard and at times very difficult
Through her guidance we all learned so much about ourselves
When around you I don't feel that motherly love, I don't feel that support
All I feel is pity that as old as you are you still remain childish, immature, and so full of jealousy and hate for your own family
I pity you, but I know that is a waste of an emotion
So I'll just say bless you because only GOD can help you
We as mere humans cannot supply you with the strength needed to get out of your own way
I still love you but I feel so sorry for you
Though we are born from the same blood line I still feel that there is this deep rooted hatred for your own kin and to me that's a sin, but you should already know that since you consider yourself a christian

So Very Thankful

When asked what I am thankful for I am left speechless
I am no way near being materialistic so I can't say that I'm thankful for the things I am able to buy
I am not driven by money so I can't say that I love the job that pays the big bucks
I am not selfish so I can't just think of me when expressing what I feel I am most thankful for
I am thankful for the many blessings that I receive on a daily basis
The family that I love around me showing me how much they care
That special man that I married that stands by my side through the good and the bad
The friends that I've met in my past, my present, and my future
The conversations with people where I can teach them more about me while I'm learning more about them
The moments when you realize how much you have in common with people that you've barely known
The smiles that you get and the smiles that you have when surrounded by such thoughtful, funny, and at times crazy people
Realizing that you've created a world that only a chosen few can understand
Realizing that you aren't alone when feeling like life hasn't touched the surface of your goals and aspirations
Knowing that you are more than you appear
Knowing that what you may be doing right now doesn't display who you truly are inside
Knowing that you can touch a strangers heart in a way that changes their lives forever
I am thankful for that chance
I am thankful for those people
I am most thankful for GOD for creating me and instilling me with the knowledge to understand the true meaning of being thankful

Dare To Be Different

Listening to Whoopi last night on the recording of "The Color Purple" interview on Oprah last night, I heard Whoopi mention how her mother always wanted her to be original
That message triggered my own memory with my Mother
I was always different from everyone even though I had similar qualities of my syblings
My laugh is unique, the way I view the world is unlike most, and I have a personality that is unchanging based on my surroundings
I always find a way to see the silver lining even through the darkest of storms
Life to me is as important as you make it and as brilliant as you believe you are
I am a believer in forming your own destiny and at the same time I understand that there is a devine path that has been created for us
Though must of us stay on the path created for us, there are those that know when to turn off, start another path, but learn from your experiences from your previous destination
Understanding what it means to be remembered in life is the ultimate blessing because so many people could care less what people view them as or how they are judged by others
I don't care what people think of me if they are trying to form their own image without knowing me, but if my life has been viewed and you have an understanding about who I am based on what I've shown or what I've said then your opinion to me is very important
That opinion is just another marker on the map to reaching the full potential of self
Once you have packed up all of those negative and positive experiences it changes you, but the change depends on where the weight is heaviest
If you allow the negative to bring you down faster than you let the positive build you up, then chances are you'll miss out on the benefits of your life and all that you've learned
Don't follow the leader, there are way too many people that pattern them selves after other people and doing that keeps you from living to your fullest potential
Be brave enough to stand out
Be smart enough to stand up
Be wise enough to know the difference
Be strong enough to be different

Customer Service Appreciation

What is it with rainy days and angry phone calls
I greet you with a pleasant "Hello" and a nice sweet "How may I help you"
Yet you are ready for a battle about something I have nothing to do with
No matter what you dish out I smile and work through the anger
Because deep inside I know it's not personally directed at me
Though it amazes me how you could accomplish anything in life with such an negative disposition
People just expect customer service employees to take and take their verbal abuse without realizing that we are placed in a position to either help you make your transition simple or make your day worse
We are trained to be polite as possible but there are those times when we can't apply that quality when being insulted and cursed out
We are regular people trying to make a living just like the person on the other end of the phone
We also can relate to being irritated when things aren't working out
We sympathize with them, try to give our best customer service, we even put our selves in their shoes to better help their situation
It works at times but there are those people that just love to complain without allowing us a real shot at fixing their problem
We can jump through hurdles for them if they would only take the time to step back, understand that we aren't the actual person that got them angry and let us help them the best way that we can
The company allows us a lot of wiggle room when it comes to softening the blow on their situation
When you start cutting into someone trying to help you, you don't realize that you are making them less and less able to concentrate on you and more focused on not getting an attitude right back at you
So if you are one of those people that have a complaint, realize that if the person on the other end of the phone isn't responsible for your problem, cut them some slack and allow them a chance to prove their ability to make your call a more pleasant and less stressful one

What He Wouldn't Do For Me

I sit back in total amazement at the path we've created together
I see the many wonderful things he does for me
How he makes sure I'm happy all day long
How he manifests such strength in moments when I'm not strong
He risked his personal life to add his future to mine
Through the obstacles we've faced our love has bonded us for all time
The road before was bumpy and unsure
Yet even when he makes mistakes he proves that his heart is pure
When I am feeling low he raises my spirits with a gentle touch
Though he spoils me every way possible I never ask him for much
He reads my heart through what he sees in my face
No matter where we lay our heads we make it our personal space
My heart is his and my soul as well
The more we live we love as our spirits gel
He is truly my protector my king my joy
He has the strength of a man yet the face of a boy
He loves me true and without doubt at all
He knows that together we stand and together we fall
I could never have asked GOD for a better person to share my life
In another world I wouldn't be his husband I would be his wife
The question isn't what would he do to make me happy
The statement that I use is always what he wouldn't do for me

Bitter Sweet

Have you ever ended a relationship and was left wondering what kept you there in the first place and then feeling conflicted of why you left at all?
Some relationships are cut and dry, you meet, fall in love, build a life together, then feel that you have grown apart, then you say your good-byes, but remain friends
Then there are those relationships where you aren't looking but you stumble upon the love of your life, every component fits into place and you have a beautiful relationship that is both healthy and real, it becomes the blue print of relationships for all those around you
Then there are those relationships where you meet, you play around for a long period of time, after fooling around for so long you decide to give a relationship a shot, find out you have nothing in common but the fooling around part, then you break up and continue fooling around
Then there are those relationships where everyone is telling you how you two should date since you are the best of friends, you have so much in common, you just look so great together, then you fall into what everyone has told you and pursue a relationship, once in it you argue all of the time and those qualities that seemed so attractive as friends kill your relationship as lovers so you break up and lose a good friend
Then we come to the most stressful relationship, which is the relationship where you fall in love with someone based on the qualities you see in them and ignore the signs that are being shown to you, you know in your heart that they are great people, they have a strong loving quality that makes you feel so wonderful around them, yet you keep getting the negativity, the self doubt, self pity, the untrusting behavior, and the vile emotional turmoil, you either leave them or they leave but you are left with closure issues, you didn't get a chance to figure out where you went wrong, you are left with thoughts that maybe there was a possibility for you two to fix what was wrong, then you question if you expected too much from them when they were showing you exactly what they were about yet you still envisioned this better person just underneath the surface
Moments like that when you sit and think about them you are left with bitter sweet memories, the ones that make you smile, the ones that make you cry, the ones that make you hate them, the ones that make you love them all over again, the fear that they have someone new and the door is closed to you for good, and the feeling of if they even really loved you at all
The morale to this is if someone is showing you there true colors, try taking a mental paint brush, paint a picture with all that they've shown you, if the painting isn't something you would hang on your wall in your house, if the painting isn't something you would want associated with your name, if the painting doesn't match any other decoration in your life then chances are it's not the right painting for you, so toss it out and keep it moving

Closer To You

As I sit here watching you move, the way your legs move, the way your hands are gestured, the way your toes spread with each step, oh so amazing to watch
The smell that is left in the room when your leave is like an unformed figure standing there taking your place awaiting your return
When you smile how your smile brightens up the room, no matter if it's dark or sunny outside, there is an illumination that only generates from you
The heat that bounces off of your body as it rubs against mine
That scent of your natural musk that taunts my senses
The way your hand glides around my lips, my face, around the curves of my body
So gentle, so sensual, so full of pleasure
My entire body calls out to you for more attention and you do not fail
My mind races with antiscipation of what you'll do next
Your warm breath in my ear
My heart races with every word
These are just a few things that come to mind when I think of you
When I imagine what you are doing when we aren't together
It seems that I have anger towards everything in existence when I want to be closer to you

What He Believes In

You can tell a lot about a man by what he believes in
If he has a strong spiritual guide then you know that he values love, life, and people
He will always quote the lines of the bible that pertains to a everyday situation
He believes in the bible and doesn't manufactrue the bible to apply it to his selfish needs
If he believes in love then you will always stand by you, support you, guide you, and protect you
If he believes in family then he believes in peace at the home, he wants your house to be your fortress
If he believes in parenthood then he understands the importance to live by example, he knows that there are others watching and memorizing what he says and does
If he believes in honesty then he will tell you the truth even when it hurts because he understands the importance of being understood and not subject to confusion when talking to you openly
If he believes that the past is important then he understands that looking back at your past will help you better understand your presence and your future
If he believes in karma then he will be very mindful of what he does because he knows if he does wrong he will get it back ten times worse
If he believes in you then your relationship means more to him than anything on earth and that is the most important belief to have

With My Hands Tied

I can love you without any help from friends or family
I can hold you down when the going gets so rough that you want to give up
I can stand strong beside you when you are willing to fight for your respect and your honor
I can stand in front of anyone and vouch for your reputation
I can fight off any negativity that comes your direction
I will not stand for anything less than total respect for you
I won't give up on you just because you try to push me away
I won't fall apart if you try to hurt me with harsh words to scare me out of your life
I do these things because I know that you are more than you may understand
I know that you can give me the world and would give me the world if you had it in your power to do so
I know that you think and feel me daily and that my well-being is more important than what people want to know about us
Our relationship has stood the test of time
We have faced very dark moments and still we find that love that keeps us together
Even when we are upset with one another we still look out for each other
I know that love is so important and you always show me more than you tell me
I know I can depend on you for anything
I get all that I need and all that I want
I am spoiled and I love it
I can make you smile
I can make you cry
I can make you laugh
I can make you high
Love is what I give and that is no small amount
My heart weighs heavier than a ton
My love is warmer than any quilt or comforter
My arms are stronger than any chain
My belief in you is unmovable like Mount Everest
My love for you is stronger than any religious belief
I can love you through the worst of time
I can love you even when you don't love yourself
I can love you even when the lord has called me home
I may not be here in person but you feel my presence so you'll never be alone
I have a big ego and you have one as well
That's why we compliment one another
That's why we remain strong
That's why we look to one another when things around us are destroyed
I can do all these and more
Even with my hands tied

The Point Of It All

Missing the sound of their voice, the touch of their hand, the beat of their heart on your back, the stretch of the morning rising, and that first glance when your eyes meet one another
Things are not perfect in life but when you can appreciate the little things about each other you must be living right
When you can argue or disagree but not lose out on that loving connection then you are still on the path of greatness and happiness
People tend to hold on to every little issue, every little disagreement, every angry remark, every forgetful moment, or when they do something less than perfect
Think back on all of the many little things they remember, the little things they do that you tend to forget, the little things that you never got before you met them and now you can’t live without
When the darkest times come into your life and you have so many things to be happy about then you are truly understanding of what is being created between you and that special person
When it hurts to hurt them, when you cry from seeing them cry, when you worry when they don’t answer the phone, when you are a nervous wreck waiting for them to tell you that they have made it home safely, when your heart beats faster and faster as the clock let’s you know that they are on their way and you are about to see them again
What is the point of being loved?
What is the point of being with one person for life?
What is the point of sharing their last name?
What is the point of being in their presence?
The point of it all is that life is never guaranteed and blessings don’t always come to those that wait for them. There are points in life when it seems like that darkest moment never leaves us. Most people run through thousands and thousands of people and never meet that one special person that you want to give your life to, your heart to, your future to, and share your past with. The day that you meet that person and you feel like a better person because of them to me is the point of everything else.
Never forget about the little things because as we all should know is that those big things wouldn’t stand as strong without the support of the little things that most take for granted.

When In Doubt Kick Him Out

I had a very interesting conversation with family and family friends. The topic was about being in a relationship and having outside people contacting your significant other. One part of the conversation was telling the person that you don't appreciate them calling your man or woman's phone. Threating the person to get the point across that you are their mate and that they cannot have them.

The other part of the conversation was that the mate should be the one getting the blunt of the angry tyrate. Letting the person that you've chosen to be in a relationship know that you aren't going to stand for the bull of them flirting and exchanging phone numbers and flirty playful remarks back and forth.

I had an in between view on the situation. Having experienced that sort of disrespect in my own relationship, you tend to attack it depending on how it came about and what part your partner had in it getting out of hand.

When you start a relationship you put on the table who you are, what you are about, what you won't deal with, and what you have previously dealt with. If after getting the 411 from you they still do something disrespectful then that is your choice to handle it the best way you know how.

The only thing that I would advise is after dealing with the other person, your partner or both, it still doesn't seem to get the point across, show their ass the door. I am a firm believer in second chances but I am also a believer in not being a fool.

When issues arise in a relationship and the common factor of the issue is the other person then you need to rethink your relationship, how you are handling the relationship, and the person you are in a relationship with. At times people don't take what you tell them as gospel because after you get on them you revert back to that happy relationship as if nothing ever happens. They then turn right around and do it yet again, you get angry, then forget it happened and start living that happy life that you are so desperately trying to maintain.

I feel strongly that you don't beat them up about it constantly if you have forgiving them, but you don't forget what happened. There should be a form of punishment for adults doing things that are seen as disrespectful to you and the relationship. As children we are taught those valuable rules of life and when we disrespect our parents we also disrespect the family. So when we become adults and we still don't get the point we should experience similar punishments.

I talk the situation out, let you know where I stand and what I will not stand for. If you choose to disrespect our relationship after the sit down and hash out, I then allow you a vision of what life will be without that sense of respect and trust. The person doing wrong most of the time will keep doing wrong because they are in a relationship with a loving and devoted partner so they keep burning that connection until that loving and devoted person turns into a bitter and angry partner.

When that happens the relationship because full of venom and the matters between the two become so hard to maintain that other negative energies are introduced to the relationship. You feel that you are stuck, you feel that you need them to learn, you feel that you made a promise and that you will stick to it, but the main thing that we forget is that we aren't the ones that did wrong yet we turn out to be the ones under the punishment rule.

We are being hurt, lied to, disrespected, and ignored. We give the partner that continues to screw up all of the power and we lose who we are. We lose that love and that light we have inside of us. I have been through, I have seen it, and I've heard it way too often.

Love is a very fragile thing, but trust is just as or more fragile. When trust is gone you have nothing left. You lose that love you had for that other person and they seem like weights around your ankles. No matter what you do that smile that was so effortless before becomes more and more of a task. When you realize that you aren't happy anymore it is time to take full inventory of your relationship.

Grab back your power and let go of what doesn't serve you any form of happiness. In the end of the life cycle you don't have that chance to experience a "Do Over" because we only live one life, but at times we have the opportunity to reinvent who we are and how we live. When giving that rare opportunity take it and run with it!

Waking From 1000 Years Of Sleeping

It's shocking at times what we miss when we thought we were living so full and catching every single blip on our life portrait
I felt for so many years that I wasn't being heard, that I wasn't being taken seriously, that people saw me but didn't notice the real me
I walk through this world wondering if my potential would ever get noticed
Would someone really stop, look back, raise an eyebrow and ask me to repeat what I just said
This entire time of me thinking this, it was happening
All of this time I was the one not noticing my potential, I was so caught up with looking at everyone else and not noticing myself
I was so hooked on getting feedback that I wasn't paying attention to myself
It boggs the mind on how we miss the obvious
How we never pay attention to what is right in our faces
How we just take so much time to search for something we feel is difficult when in fact it can be so easy and stress free
So after such a long slumber I am taking in account my surroundings
I pay attention to what I say and how it is being taken in
I choose my words wisely and I give every effort to make sure that what I say has been thought through and felt
So no more sleeping for me I am wide awake and as alert as ever

The Beginning Of The End

I sit at my desk today just wondering about life in general
Here I am taking phone calls from different walks of life and how amazing it is that no matter who I speak to I get that vibe of understanding and fellowship
I have strangers telling me how pleasant I am to talk to yet they've only spoken to me briefly but there is this unforseen energy that connects us
We make remarks on people within seconds of meeting them based on a vibe we may have felt or certain words that person has spoken
Then ending result is either you are right about them or you are wrong
When I meet people I instantly feel a burst of energy
Some times that energy feels negative and I instantly respond to it
Some times it's a warm and sensational feeling and I feel pulled into their space and it feels right so I figure them to be good people
The worse thing we can do is take in other people telling us about people we don't know
I see it so often that someone isn't liked because a person has told someone about them and that person takes their word and treats them awful without truly knowing if what has been said is true or false
We as a people tend to follow the flock and at times the flock leader
We forget that we have minds of our own and that when we practice our own sense of thought we find that we are different in many ways from those that we have befriended
The need to be liked and the need to be a part of a clique can have it's painful set backs because when we are adults we find that we have less and less power over our own lives
It the following isn't stopped at an early age we carry it into our adult life and even pass it on to our children
That my friends is the beginning of the end
When we lose our voices we lose our need for independence and originality
Don't be a follower, be a leader and shine as bright as your light will allow

That Love Thang

It's amazing that just looking a photo takes you back to where your heart holds dear
The thoughts of a journey with a loving stranger has changed your life forever
The future doesn't have a weight to it anymore
The idea of dealing with trouble isn't stressful knowing that this person stands beside you and holds your hand and soothes your soul
Knowing that his every waking thought is all about you and what he wants for the both of you
The way he caters to your needs and makes sure that you smile every day
The moment you look sad they are right there holding you and encouraging that daily smile they search for to get them through the day
Knowing that you are happy they feel that their life means more than it may have many moons before you met
The stress of the structure of a relationship some times takes away from the spirit of love but when you meet the soul mate that you have been born to love it all falls into place
You look back on your past and it doesn't make you cry because when you relive that past you know where the present leads you
You know that the story has a happy ending and that no matter the struggle during your happiness, it builds that love between you to and only makes you love each other more
Not being able to sleep peacefully unless the one you love is right there with their arm around you or your arm around them
Knowing that every dream you dream all though crazy at times, they always seem to have a purpose
The dreams that are random and have no structure means that your current life is where it needs to be and your subconscious mind isn't trying to tell you something
You can enjoy the little conversations while hugged up and curled up on the bed
The days you just look at one another and fall in love all over again
Knowing what they are going to say before they utter a word
Knowing what they like and what they dislike without asking
Knowing that you won't be happy doing anything without them
Even work feels like torture because you know that those 10 hours apart keeps you from seeing them, hearing them, touching them, smelling them, and just loving on them
When every moment spent together feels like your life is on total pause you know that you are loved and that damn love thang is real because you live it every single day

The Journey Back Home

Some how we believe that traveling back to where it all started would be considered a failure, a bad idea, the worse mistake possible
But once you have planted your roots back and actually take the time to look around, you realize that life has waited for you to come back
Your journey isn't complete and the decision to come back home was just another decision and another path to your final destination
When you constantly strive for perfection in your life and when things around you seem to fall apart you feel that you aren't living to your fullest capabilities
The truth is that materialistic items come and go but that soul search and mental build up can never be measured
When you realize that all of the fears you had when you were younger are no longer there
When people talk to you and are surprised with how much you've grown
When you come around friends and those childish issues that use to bother you no longer affect you at all
When you are settled and a relaxing day just loving family is more than having a list of things to do
When you can sit and just talk about your day and not the problems, the bills, the job, and the worry that the money won't cover all of the expenses
Most people don't realize that just because home was hard when you were younger doesn't mean it will be if you return
The change has to come from you
The change must be real and true in order for you to understand the transition
Most people run and keep running until their road has run out and they realize that they are running alone
Look back and notice the change in you first, then you will accept the change in everyone else
The journey back home isn't always covered with painful memories and bad experiences
The experiences that stick with you make you who you are today wheter that be good or bad
The choice to live right is yours and the power to make a positive change and remain positive is also up to you
Use the past as a map to the journey destination
Never be afraid of the journey back home