Prisoner Of Emotions

I pride myself in being able to tap into my emotions at times
It's a talent that so many people I've grown to know have not mastered that part yet
At the same time it can be a dangerous arsenal to have
When you experience painful moments
You tend to bury them because you feel that you've touched on them enough and you don't need to revisit them after that
What you don't realize is that they fester and grow as time goes on
The fear of building a life and hoping that those painful moments won't repeat themselves can over power
One of the biggest emotional issues that I fight on a daily is trust
After living a life that warrants so much trust, it's difficult to honestly give someone total trust of your heart and your life
Once trust has been shaken it can be difficult if not impossible to fix
Now it's possible to get through the storm, but how you end up after the storm has gone away is a whole other matter
We tend to picture people to be one way and then find there are more layers to them as time goes on
People tell you that things are one way, but in the heat of the moment the truth of their feelings shine through like sun beams on a cloudy day
Words that you hear and reactions that you see can give you a different feel for the person that you didn't think possible
You suddenly realize that their outlook of you isn't as great as they always said it was
You suddenly realize that the fight isn't for you, it's against you
It makes you sit and wonder if your choices that led you to this point were smart ones or choices fueled by your many emotions
At the surface things can always look great but once layers start to fall the picture can show all of the scratches and scrapes that you didn't see at first glance
You rewind your life from that moment and try to see where you could have noticed the possibility of this new appearance
You find yourself angrier at you than the other person
Then you wonder if you are at fault for hoping for the best and then feeling silly for feeling let down when the best wasn't given
At times we withdraw and drift off into our own minds because it can be safer there than to allow our feelings to bury us
Stepping back from something allows you time to review it and wonder if it's possible to salvage what's left and rebuild a whole new life from what remains
Then you wonder if you decide to do that, is the other person also willing or are they once again just telling you so because they feel it better to agree than to disagree
After so long with having control of your heart you feel that you slipped up and trusted someone that juggles it with no concern for the after math if they drop it
Deep inside you see the warmth and love that was there before, but now there's uncertainty, anger, blind self preservation, and overall total disregard for what they do
This cycle of thought and emotion can become a vicious one
When dealing with emotions there are never truly any winners or losers
In the end we are all just prisoners with a life sentence and no possibility for parole

What I Desire

It's not hard to imagine a future where everything is perfect. Dreams of having a life that shines brighter than the one you fall asleep to every night. Living through what you live through on a daily basis it's a wonder that you have that vision within you. Life can deal out several blows to your soul that some times can win out despite your many efforts to fight it and rebuild yourself from the ground up.

It's always a great thing to make goals for yourself, because having something jotted down in front of you gives you a visual outlook on your future plans.

What I desire?

I desire to be happy through it all. No matter how dark the day, I can see the light at the other end of the sky.

I desire to love even though the odds stand against me and tell me that the love I have is impossible to hold on to.

I desire to be strong even when I have nothing in my arms to hold up. When life keeps trying to bury me in pain and sorrow.

I desire to hold on to the one I have chosen to love for the rest of my life even though there are forces that want to rip us apart and try to plant doubt in my mind.

I desire to seek knowledge even though the doors of success still remain blocked to me, when the chance to actually live out my career goal is running further away from my reach.

I desire to look over the many negatives I see in people and love them for just being human enough to have those flaws and own up to them.

What I desire, well it's very simple. I desire to live to desire. At least I have something to live forward to.

The Other Side Of Happiness

In life there are so many different shades of color
We tend to stick with what we grow familiar with
It is easier to keep something that we know instead of something that brings change
The same can be said about emotions
We can be happy in many different ways and several levels
The smallest thing can bring a smile to your face
The biggest thing can bring tears of joy to your eyes
The scary part is when the biggest things are hard to come by
The painful truth is that the small things may be all you have to look forward to
It can sit mixed emotions in your heart when you hear the story of other people's happiness
When you see others getting the things you are working so hard for and then they do not appreciate it
You begin thinking that maybe what you want isn't really for you
If it was it should have come to you by now
You've wanted it longer, you wanted it harder, and you were willing to sacrifice to get it
Being human is the fairest way to accept those questions that arrive in our minds as we see other people taking for granted the things that you would cherish most
It's difficult to understand why people tend to do the things they do when faced with getting what they want all the time
It can't be as simple as just saying they don't appreciate it because they can get it easily
There is a part of them that remains empty though they are showered with constant blessings
While you live step to step trying not to tumble over
You dream of those things that other people take for granted
You can visualize your life having everything you want and being content with having those things in your life finally
The deal that no one thinks about at times is, most of those people that run through what you consider blessings have no real goal in life
They may get the things you wish you could have, but they get them and they still want more
While you sit and thank God for the small things that come your way and you learn to appreciate those moments where life seems to be right for you no matter the circumstances
Think about! Your life will be a true journey of failure and reward, but you will cherish the path ahead
Those that can't find happiness miss out of the one true thing that you have
A heart that is easily satisfied, therefore, it is easily healed when broken
People that count on the next fix never take the time to repair their heart because they are so busy running to get something new to replace the new things they recently got
It isn't anything to be ashamed about when we wish for things, however, it is shameful to have all of the important things in your life yet you see others and want what they have
The other side of happiness is total darkness and that area of life is only meant for those that can't appreciate the many blessings that life gives in the small beautfiul packages
What side are you on?