I couldn't begin to explain what I'm feeling right now. I couldn't begin to tell you where my heart or my head is. To loose a brother so sudden and so unexpected is truly a painful experience. To say that I'll be O.K. would be a lie! I'm not O.K. I'm mad as hell and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this. This is someone that was more than a brother he was my best friend. He was the one that I turned to for everything and now he's gone. We lived for and through one another and now he's no longer here physically. I would like to believe that I'll dream about him, that he'll come to me and let me know that he's all right but I'm not so sure. I hear so many people speak of seeing ghost and spirits of loved ones yet I have nothing to add to those stories. My brother is gone and he's never coming back. So now I look at friendship so differently. I don't know how to feel and I couldn't imagine how to move on! I'm in great pain but yet there is a force in me that's keeping me from breaking down. I'm scared because I don't know how long that force will keep those feelings at bay. So people please learn from this, if there is some one that you love and you just never get around to say it, then say it today. Don't wait until it's too late and then you have nothing to apologize to. My brother Anthony and I always said we loved one another. If we were mad we spoke on it and cleared it before we left each others sight. I cry not because I feel guilty or that I didn't tell him good-bye but I feel said because he is no longer here and I must face this world without him.
Love you family and love you friends because once they are gone there is no coming back!
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