A Moment To Vent

In all my years of living I have attempted to always try to take the high road when I am pressed up against the ropes in any given situation. It just amazes me at how the most ignorant, idiotic, simple minded, unhappy, waste of space, no clue having, need a serious makeover looking, spineless, immoral, back stabbing, bottom feeding, back sliding, cowardly individuals are placed in positions of power and lack the most important aspect of being a manager or leader…the ability to lead. I have witnessed some very pathetic acts of cowardly behaviors that have just left me numb and disappointed. I often drift off in deep thought thinking about the purpose we are created and the purpose of us being placed in this world and having to face this type of bull crap on a regular basis. I am pretty sure that everyone has a destiny and everyone has a purpose. Just because they may not recognize it, that doesn’t mean they don’t have one. I have tried my damndest to be professional, I think before I speak, I ask advice before sharing my feelings, and I always want to place my feet in the shoes of the person I am about to approach so that I can get a better understanding of why they did what they did, said what they said, or didn’t say or do what they claimed they would. The place I am now is a place I’ve never imagined being in. I am at the point of being so fed up I am actually wondering, “What in the hell am I doing here?” I am trying my best to look through all that I see and all that I am dealing with. The more time I spend trying to do the right thing the angrier I get when my works are being taken for granted and disrespected. I am so fed up I feel like I could just implode. I know better and I was raised better than to let ignorant and insignificant individuals get the best of me and rip me from my purpose. I just need to remind myself at times that just because you have been given a title or a responsibility, it doesn’t mean you have earned it or if you are even worthy of it, hell, if you are even good at it. I see that there is fear of someone better than you stepping in and out shining you, so you will try every trick you can muster to make that person slip up. Venting is truly a blessing to get those moments of anger out of your system so that you can jump right back on that bike and peddle your ass off to reach your goal! Now that I have vented I will put on my protective gear, jump on my bike, and peddle this 10 speed until the damn wheels bust!!!! So if you are not with me then you are against me, if you are against me then I advise you to get the hell out of my way!!!!

To Chris from Greg

They say that if you speak it into existence then it will be. So I put this out into the universe, “I pray that the rest of my life keeps me with the man I am with today. I pray that we get the opportunity to live out the remainder of our lives together, being happy, learning, growing, experiences, laughing, crying, fighting, making up, and exploring with one another. I pray that I get to see him through his trials and tribulations; I pray that I can always be his safe haven in times of distress and pain. I want to be his angel that guides him throughout his day keeping him safe and protected from the world. I want him to be my partner when we are blessed to have more children. I want to share that experience of being a father with him. I want to get to the point in life when I forget so much because I’m old as hell and he remembers. I want to be able to play songs that remind us loving times when we are going through our downs. I want to wake up every moment to see him beside me (snoring loud as hell) snuggled and sleeping peacefully. I want to be his comforter when he feels the cold of the world. I want him to call me first when there is heaviness on his mind. When that day the world as we know it is over, I pray that there is truly an afterlife and we can live forever entwined in love and happiness. With his love I never fear, with his love I never doubt, with his love and I strong, with his love I am not without. For when others let me down, hurt me, lie on me, treat me unfairly, and do not give me what I deserve…I know that anything coming from him is genuine and authentic because it is all just for me. I have been a rock for myself for so long and now I can feel the weight of the woes falling from my heart and mind. I use to have a job to care for others more than myself, now I have no time to because he cares for me as much as he does. He can balance loving his family, his kids, and his friends while loving me abundantly. No matter the moment, we are love, no matter the situation, we are solution, no matter the obstacle, and we are victorious. Love isn’t given easily but it can be received. Trust is difficult to give out and rebuild, but once it’s there, nothing can change the purpose of the love you have built. December 12th 2009 I gave my heart to Christopher M. Watkins Sr. but the first time I saw him he already had my soul.