Am I Ready?

I was just on the phone talking to a gentlemen. He asked me if I was ready to get into a relationship with another man.
The first reaction was to say yes because in my heart and mind I've moved on and I am ready to experience a new life. At the same time there was this strong pause to just say simply...NO!
There is so much surrounding me that says this man's name. Every thought of my day is about him. When I come home I automatically look upstairs as I did before when he was home before me. I dream about him all of the time and long for him when I awake.
I still shed tears for him and pray that this is all a horrible nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I look ahead into my future and I see the kids, the house, the career but now there is this void that I have so many guys wanting to fill.
Is it truly possible to rearrange those future images and feel that it's the right thing to do without feeling guilty? Are you always holding that space for the lost one even though you know he's there in spirit? Is it fair for me to feel alone and have the option to be with someone but feel like I'm moving on too fast?
I often look into the mirror and ask myself..."Are you ready?"
The truth of the matter is when you loose someone really close to you the world becomes your enemy. People are surrounding you trying to get you to smile when you want to cry, they want you to drink when you just want to dry up and die, they want you to move on and date when you want to hold on to your memories and pray that when you die he will be there waiting to walk you to the other side.
I'm not depressed or suicidal by any means so there's no need to fear. The best medicine when in pain is reality. I take 2 doses of it everyday! When I wake up and before I go to sleep!
I know that death walks right next to all of us every day but most of us has never had to face him. Unfortunately for most of us we know him too well! We curse him and fear him but it's just life. We live and we die! We all share that destiny. It's what you do in between the times that separates you from others.
I choose to take the time left and make the best of it!
So I guess the question shouldn't be, "Am I ready?" I should tell myself, "You need to get ready!"
Because life moves on wheter you're a part of it or running from it! I don't want things around me to change and I have nothing to do with it! I want to be a part of that change so I can have a reason to curse when things aren't going my way!
Sorrow doesn't last forever, you have to know when to let it go! I've chosen to hold on to it for as long as I need to transition, but now I'm passing it on to others that need it! Allow your time of crying and pleading with GOD, but once you realize what is still happening around you, pass it on to the next person. Then and only then will you appreciate the life that you still have to live!
Peace and love to all that read these words!