How I Became Me Chapter 37

Ninth Component: Partnership 1. The state of being a partner. 2. a. A legal contract entered into by two or more persons in which each agrees to furnish a part of the capital and labor for a business enterprise, and by which each shares a fixed proportion of profits and losses. b. The persons bound by such a contract. 3. A relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility, as for the achievement of a specified goal The state of being a partner: Most people in relationships do not see the combined lives as a partnership. I hear so often how people in relationships have separate lives from one another. I see couples that don’t communicate financial situations or purchases together. I have actually seen couples that are married but still have separate friends, hangouts, vacation get-a-ways, etc. I know that whatever floats your boat is your ocean, but from my personal opinion I just cannot imagine a life with someone that really isn’t a life together. I would totally flip out if I found out that Chase went to a restaurant that we haven’t experienced together yet. I would choke him out if he bought something that he knew I would want for his self. My relationship isn’t like that at all though. We work together and we communicate things constantly. It isn’t about checking up on one another, it’s about working together. What we do affects each other and the decision we make should be understood between us. There things that could happen to your relationship if a decision was made and it ruined your security. The home that you live in, the car that you drive, the places you visit, the things you buy that you love and the things they buy that they love is securely possible because a partnership has been formed in your relationship and the communication between the couples makes for a easier way of life and a more comfortable living environment. A legal contract entered into by two or more persons in which each agrees to furnish a part of the capital and labor for a business enterprise, and by which each shares a fixed proportion of profits and losses: The definition explains it very matter of factually. The legal contract can be a verbal contract or the exchange of good faith by both parties. In a relationship you are part of a contract. You both share the wealth of the relationship, you both put into the foundation of the relationship, and you support one another when things get tough and you lose things like money, a car, a job, a home, etc. As partners those losses are shared between the mates and you equally share the burden of those experiences. In a relationship you both want more than you came into the relationship with. A relationship with the right person will benefit the goals that you have set for yourself or together. Love is not a business but the efforts in making it work are a lot like an enterprise. An enterprise takes time, hard work, sweat, tears, courage, support, respect, and equal determination. So ask yourself this, “Do I work harder to make money and only do the minimal towards my relationship?” or “Do I work hard to make a security that will be shared between me and my partner and work equally harder to make my relationship work so that we both can benefit from our hard work?” The persons bound by such a contract: The word “bound” can scare people away because it sounds like an eternity of being with one person. For most of us, the word “bound” is a welcomed word and a goal towards achieving it with the one you love. The search to find someone right for you and someone you are right for is very hard. The search drains you, it makes you weak at times, it can even make you doubt if you are worthy of the reward of true love. I went through many years of my life with a picture in my mind of the life I would have when I found the right man. I was 8 years of age picturing growing old with the man that was meant to be with me. While most kids my age were running around playing in the dirt and wrestling, I was planning where I wanted to live, how many kids I wanted, where we would go on our vacations, what would we do as far as our career goals, etc? From that young I set in motion a mission statement which large corporations are known for. To be bound with someone that shares your vision and adds to your vision is the exact same equation for partnerships in a corporation. You step into this life together with all you have and you pray that things work out and that your bounded lives flourish and give you profit in the form of happiness and security. A relationship between individuals or groups that is characterized by mutual cooperation and responsibility, as for the achievement of a specified goal: Cooperation is very important when you enter a relationship. You both may have fallen in love but there is still so much about one another you don’t know. It is a major risk because you are opening up your entire life with someone you are hoping will stick around. You are trusting that everything you are learning about them is truthful and honest. You are betting everything thing you have within you that this will be a happy venture together and that it will last beyond your imagination. You are responsible for different aspects of the relationship, but you are responsible nonetheless. Each partner brings a unique gift to the relationship. If things start to fall apart then both of you are responsible for fixing whatever may be wrong. Even if the fault lies on one person in the relationship, you both must come to a mutual understanding, plan out how to fix the mistake, and get your relationship back on track. In order for there to be growth in your love for each other you cannot point the finger and constantly remind your partner of all the mistakes they made. When my relationship with Chase started to get sour, I held on to the fact that I wasn’t the one messing up. I never let him forget that he was screwing things up and I never let him relax because I expected him to make big and noticeable changes that I felt would fix our relationship. My mistake in that approach is I took the relationship responsibilities away from us and gave them all to him. If it worked or if it didn’t make it, we both would be to blame. There is no “I” in team, and there is no “I” in love. It started together and it will either grow or end together. Understand your place, understand your strengths, understand your weaknesses, and most of all understand each other. The specified goal should be happiness. If you both enter the relationship with separate motives then the ending result will leave you both disappointed. Having an understanding of the wants and needs of one another will create an established agreement that should not be reneged on. As with a business partnership there are roles and responsibilities, but in a relationship those responsibilities can change over time. When you first start out, your strengths should flourish, as time goes on you start realizing the change in the makeup of the relationship. When I’ve talked to couples going through hard times and they are faced with the possibility that the relationship is ending, the main statement I hear is, “I am not ending this relationship, and I have invested too much.” So when you hear that, does that not sound like a partnership? Does that not sound like you are investing in an enterprise (relationship), do you not expect there to be a review of the contract that you both have agreed upon? People allow the most simplistic things to destroy what you have and they give up without a fight. I was just talking to my best friend/brother Jennings, he and his partner are going through changes. It is a new relationship and for the first time I see happiness in Jennings eyes. We have been friends for almost 13 years and in all that time I’ve never seen him this excited about a relationship. Jennings is stuck on the crossroad to either working on their relationship or ending. Speaking from personal experience I shared with him the changed that Chase and I went through. When people see us together they always say how wonderful we look together. There are people that get to know us and think that we are just the perfect couple. As flattering as that is, we both know that we didn’t get to where we are easily. Our partnership was tested in many different ways, we experienced a breach in contract, we experienced a partner trying to recruit another partner, we have experienced forgery of feelings, and we had to make a private partnership public. In the hardest of times you find what either makes you a good couple or what screams separation. In the past we would have fallouts and the friction in the room was so thick it was hard to breathe. There were times we went to sleep angry with one another and waking the next morning with that angry sitting right on our side of the bed waiting to climb right back on our backs. The journey to create that medium in your relationship is not easy but it is well worth it once you master the delivery of having those heated moments but still understanding that your relationship shouldn’t suffer simply because you experience these spats or arguments. It took us a while but now we have that rhythm. We still have disagreements but that comes with the territory. If you express your feelings, though heated at the time, when the argument is over you both should understand each other’s side. I use to hear so often about two people becoming one when they marry and it made me a little nervous about giving myself totally to another person. Now we are knocking on 3 years and I look back at those times of fear and weakness, I see the confusion, the raw emotions, in indecisiveness, the insecurity, the fear of the unknown, and the power of true love. I decided to rise above those crippling restraints and stop allowing those moments of doubt blur my vision and make me decide on ending a relationship that deserved everything I had to give. My job at the beginning of our relationship was consuming and draining. I had a horrible situation and it got to the point where I hated coming to work. I worked with people that I couldn’t trust and I worked with people that didn’t care what their decisions would do to those involved. Though I hated every minute of it, I still worked my ass of and devoted my time and attention to the job. After Eugene passed I decided to go back to work 3 weeks earlier than planned. To think on that now I realize that I pushed through so much and most people experiencing what I have wouldn’t and couldn’t make it through. I realized that if I could stay in an environment that was obviously bad for my health, why would I give up Chase when he is far more worth the fight that a job. I made the decision to save my love and my relationship. Once we got over the last hurdle, our relationship changed for the better and it doesn’t seem like it will ever tilt over to the dark side. My advice to Jennings was for him to take charge in the relationship. If he feels that he’s doing everything he can and it still doesn’t work out, then at least he can say that he made an honest attempt to make it work. The issue that Jennings is facing is he is working alone. His mate is just that…his mate, he is not a partner. The worst thing you could do to someone that you are dating is test them. When you create issues just to see how that other person will react is childish, dangerous, and just a horrible lapse in judgment. You don’t enter into a relationship to test the person you are with. When you start conducting test just so you can feel validated, then chances are you have been single for a reason. It can’t be the fault of others when you make idiotic decisions and play with other people’s emotions. I can’t say I know what the outcome will be all I can say is I will support Jennings no matter what direction he goes. I now know and understand the value if patience. When you do it the right way you get rewarded with a life and a relationship that bears fruit for you both. I say so often that love is great but love isn’t enough. Love is just the bound that brings you close, but you must have other traits, feelings, emotions, and experiences to bring to the table. The biggest mistake I heard Jennings mention was that his boyfriend told him he was only good when he was in a relationship. After hearing that I figured out what his major problem was, he has no true esteem and confidence. If you can only shine when you have someone on your arm, then your life is less than fulfilling, having that mindset will only set up the person trying to be with you to fail. In my heart I hope that things work out for Jennings because this is a long time coming for him. It has been impossible for me, Jennings, and William to have partners at the same time. It seemed that once the three of us were coupled, things started shining a lot brighter. As soon as we decide to bring into play a trip and future interactions with each other, one of us breaks up with their partner. It never fails, I get so excited that we are going to start having a “Why did I get married” retreat, but as soon as the plan starts being put together one of us ends up being single again. Chase and I living here in Augusta have been difficult. Not the living situations, the shortage of funds, and the constant stresses of our work, our biggest difficulty is finding a good couple to build a friendship with. We both are surrounded with straight male and female friends, but it seems impossible to find a couple or couples to hang with. We have made our home a home, we love being together, and hate being apart, but there are things that as couples you still want to have. We spend so much time taking care of each other, we face a lot of hardships, but not to have an outlet in the form of couples, there isn’t really anyone that could comprehend what we are dealing with. I know that one day we will have that life we both desire and are working hard to achieve. The biggest thing that has come out of the trials and tribulations we’ve experienced is that we are truly partners and we both share the same goal of success in love. We know that it will be hard at times, but when you truly love someone and there has been this, “I got you and you got me” there isn’t anything that can stop you from having the happiness you seek. So if you feel that your relationship isn’t worth the strength, the attention, the compromise, the partnership, the devotion, the understanding, the vulnerability, and the support, then maybe you are in the relationship for the wrong reason. If you aren’t willing to make the sacrifice for a better relationship, then do the other person a service and step out of their life so that they can be guided to the one for them. If you are willing to do what it takes to make it work, then you don’t defeat as a part of your vocabulary. You must fight for what you want, and you most remember that anything worth having won’t be simple to achieve.