How I Became Me Chapter 30

First Component: Honesty Though most people would think that this is a given when it comes to a relationship, you would be very surprised to understand how weak this word actually is when you are dealing with certain people. My past experiences alone have taught me that you should never step into any situation blinded by the fact that you are honest and so should everyone else be. I have had guys lie to me about their age, I have had guys lie to me about their weight, I have heard lies about a man saying that he had to leave town because his father died. That particular story was by far one of the funniest ones I’ve heard. It was before I met Eugene. On one Friday night Rick and I were hanging out at “The Palace”. While we were sitting at the bar this guy walked up and kept starring at me. I have always had this pet peeve about people just starring at you and not speaking. So I would just tune them out unless they were really in my face, I would then ask them, “Is there something you want to say or do you just enjoy starring at people?” It would at times make them laugh and break the ice or it would make them look another direction. This night, however, was different. I turned to Rick to make him aware that I had someone starring at me but before I could get Rick’s attention the guy asked if he could sit by me. Me: Sure, no problem. The Guy: “Sorry for just looking at you so hard but you have beautiful eyes and lips. My name is Dave and I wanted to speak to you when you came in but I thought this guy by you was your lover. Now that I am up on you I can see that you two must be twins?” Me: “Yes we are…we are 5 minutes apart.” Dave: “Well can I buy you a drink?” Me: “Sure, that would be nice.” For the rest of the night we danced, talked, and got to know one another. At the end of the night we dropped Rick off and Dave took me home. I invited him in and we sat and talked some more. When the moment came we started making out and it was nice. I felt that he was getting very excited but back then I had a rule that if it seemed that we were connecting with one another sex on the first date was always a no. So I nicely calmed the moment down by talking to him and getting him to tell me more about his self. The rest of the night we exchanged stories and then sharing what we wanted our lives to be, it turned out to be a very romantic night. The following month was amazing and of course sex still wasn’t on the table. I couldn’t explain it then but something wouldn’t allow me to go there with him. There was this nagging voice in my head telling me there was something missing in his story or something he was trying to hide from me. It was crazy that at an early age I had more of a six sense, but as I got older I started ignoring it because I thought it meant I was being too picky and too trivial with guys. I was told by many people that I was too hard on men and I should lessen my guard and allow them a chance to show me who they really were. It was coming up on another Friday and I called Dave to see what his weekend plans were. Early that week Dave said he wanted to take me out of town so that we could spend some real quality time without the distractions of his friends and my family. I was game for it and it was nice for a guy to offer a nice romantic trip. I felt that this would become the moment we make love and start working on where we would go from there. We both had similar interests and our future plans to have a family of our own were also a plus. There was no answer to his home number so I called his cell phone, every time I tried to call it would go straight to voicemail. So I gave up trying to reach him and decided to call Rick so we could hang out. Shortly after hanging up with Rick I got a call from Dave. Dave: “Hey…my sister just called me and told me my father died. I got to go to New York tonight.” Me: “I am so sorry to hear that Dave. My goodness, if you need me for anything I’m here. Please call me to tell me how things are going. Dave: “I appreciate you for being so understanding. I wish I could take you with me, but I wouldn’t want to introduce you to my family under the circumstances.” Me: “There is no need to explain, I understand that fully. Just do what you need to do, spend that time with your family and when you get back, let me be here for you.” Dave: “Thank you baby. I know it’s early in the relationship but I love you man.” Me: “That is nice of you to say and I thank you for saying it. Be careful and I’m here if you need me. After hanging up with Dave I started to get ready to go out with Rick. Hearing Dave say that he loved me was a surprise but it felt good to hear that. I didn’t tell him I loved him because I was still in the beginning process of getting to know him and I didn’t want to rush through my feelings, especially with this feeling that something was not quiet all there and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I met up with Rick and we stopped at Apple Bee’s to get something to eat before we went to the club. Since I’d been dating Dave, Rick and I haven’t really been around each other like we normally are. Since Dave was leaving town I felt this was the perfect time for Rick and I to catch up on what was going on and I also wanted to share my feelings towards Dave with him to see if he could shed some light on why I’m feeling so apprehensive to move faster in our relationship. Me: “I don’t know what it is but I have the strangest feeling that there is either something Dave is hiding or there is something that Dave has lied to me about. It’s been going on for the last couple of weeks we’ve been dating.” Rick: “Well you know how I’ve always told you to go with your instincts. You are very sensitive to your emotions and a lot of people don’t have that ability. If you are feeling that there is a missing piece to a story or something about him is being covered you will find it eventually. Since I’ve know you, your perception has always been strong and just about every single time you tell me something that you felt about a situation or a person has been right. Me: “He said his father died so I’ll leave that alone until he gets back and gets through that grieving process. I don’t want to throw this at him all at once. Rick and Dennis have always told me I had a six sense about people and about situations. One of the episodes that really showed that I was right about my feelings towards people was when Pete’s girlfriend’s roommate showed his ass. From the moment we met Luke I instantly did not like him at all. I’d never met him before, never knew anything about him, but there was something in me that couldn’t stand him to save my life. It was that day after I moved to Atlanta with Jake, Pete, and Dennis. When I walked to Pete’s job with him I met everyone that he worked with. About an hour after I got there Luke walked through the door and clocked in. Paris, one of the waitresses that hung out with Pete introduced Luke to me. From the moment we shook hands I hated him with a passion. I told Pete several times that Luke cannot be trusted. I told Pete that I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt that Luke was shady and he should really keep his distance from him. Turned out that Luke and his girlfriend Rachael lived with Pete’s girlfriend, her little sister, and their mom. It was a two bedroom apartment and I couldn’t imagine having that many people under one roof. The way times were back then; roommates were the thing to do to keep your head above water financially. Not to mention Luke was from New York like Pete’s girlfriend and her family. The night my suspicions came to be was during a cookout we planned. We invited everyone over to our apartment and planned to have a really big party. Several of our co-workers and other friends that we’d come to know showed up. At first I noticed that Luke wasn’t anywhere around but his girlfriend was there. I asked Pete where his girl was and he said she was still home. After about an hour after I asked him, Pete decided to walk to her apartment to see what the holdup was. Not long after Pete left Jake ran out of the apartment and told me to follow him. When we came up on Pete’s girlfriend’s house we say Luke running and holding his mouth. We walked into the apartment and saw Pete holding his hand. Once I got close to his I saw that his fist was swollen and he had it wrapped up with a cloth and a bag of ice. Apparently Luke showed his ass and admitted that he was in love with Pete’s girlfriend but because she was dating my brother he flipped out. Luke and his girl didn’t pay bills, ate them out of house and home, sold drugs out of the apartment and pocketed the money. The kicker was that Luke was caught stealing money out of Linda’s purse. Linda was Pete’s girlfriend’s mother. When he got confronted about everything he was doing, his true feelings came out and he even tried to threaten the ladies not realizing that we would come busting in to protect them. When Pete left our apartment to check on his girl and her family he walked right in on Luke cursing them out. Pete said he went in to beat his ass but Luke ran into the bathroom and tried to lock the door. Pete was extremely strong and Luke was extremely boney and weak. The only thing big on Luke was his teeth and that was the cause of Pete’s hand being swollen. Pete swung and hit Luke right in his mouth but his horse teeth cut into Pete’s knuckles. If Pete’s hand was damaged during the fight he would have most likely stumped Luke into the ground. That following morning Pete came to me and thanked me for telling him about my feelings towards Luke. From that moment forward, when I came to Pete about my feelings he would look into a situation before just blindly believing people. Having a track record for being able to pick up on people’s personalities, this moment with Dave was holding strong on my mind and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was right to not trust him. After Rick and I finished our dinner we walked to the club. Not more than 20 minutes later we decided to leave because it was so dead. We were told as we were leaving that we should go to Loretta’s because that is where everyone seemed to be hanging out at. The thing about a club is that if it’s not packed with people it doesn’t feel like fun. It is the people that make the club and if no one if there the energy level is dead and people stop coming. Loretta’s wasn’t even on our minds because “The Palace” was turning out to be a better spot to go hang out. Since the night was still young and we wanted to hang out, we decided to catch the train to Loretta’s. The walk to Loretta’s gave us more time to talk and trip as we always did. As soon as we walked into the club we walked towards the bar. Our favorite bartender was there and since he had a huge crush on Rick, he would always give us free drinks. Rick and I ordered a long island ice tea and as soon as we started to head downstairs to the dance floor I see Dave walking up from the downstairs dance floor. I immediately stopped in my tracks and my face showed the disgust I was feeling. The funny thing about it was that as soon as he saw me he threw his drink into the trash, turned around, and ran out of the club. It was too funny to get angry about it because the way he ran was like you would run from the cops. There were several people at the club that knew Rick and me, so when they saw Dave run out of the club they immediately started laughing. After I told the story behind what had just happened it only made the episode that much more funny. Needless to say, Dave was erased out of my life and I never looked back or even tried to reach out to him to see why he would like about something as serious as the death of a parent. I am a firm believer in not holding a grudge, but when it comes to the nature of the reason I no longer hang with someone, that feeling can waiver depending upon that person. Honesty was something that Chase and I started on in the very beginning. I was so amazed at how much Chase shared with me on the first time we met. He opened up his entire life and we really didn’t know each other all that much. It was that step in the right direction that made us to hold fast to our love for one another. With the obstacles we faced together, we knew that honestly was what made us strong and what keeps us connected. To be able to say, “I know he didn’t do that” means so much to us. No one could walk up to me and tell me that Chase was something other than what I have come to love and know. The same could be said about Chase if being told that there was more about me he didn’t know. The time we have been together has taught us that reputations outside of your relationship hold no value compared to the reputation we bring into our relationship. Taking all that we have been through, all that we have conquered, and all that we have faced together, has built us into stronger people separately as well as together.