How I Became Me Chapter 35

Sixth Component: Ambition The secret to success in my opinion, is knowing that you have what it takes to be successful. One should never measure their success with people in their surroundings because no if your ambitions are similar, they will never turn out the same. The pressures to being successful are hard enough, when you try to compare your path with those around you, and then you are setting yourself up for failure. That message is towards those that are trying to achieve something that seems impossible. You are destined for something different than people around you. Just because it may appear that these other people are making it effortlessly doesn’t mean that it is in the cards for you to get it as easily. As far as being ambitious and being in a relationship with someone that strives on a different approach to success, it can either strengthen the relationship or tear it apart. You are bound to meet a partner that sings as good as you sing but feels happy with just singing in the shower or in small venues. You may be in a relationship with a partner that is as funny as you are but only show it around certain people. You be with someone with a natural gift for writing but has no desire to do it as a career. The key to those moments is being supportive but not forceful. At times we can shower our partners with the ambition that we have set for ourselves. You may have talents that are not being recognized and they have talents that are being recognized but they don’t want that life. When that frustration kicks in, it isn’t because you are made that they are sleeping on their talents, it’s because you are frustrated that you aren’t being seen and you are trying but they are being seen and they don’t care. In any form of relationship you should know your place and respect the place of others. When in a relationship that place is a definite and if you overlook that you will push someone right out of your life. You can’t be a partner and a parent to your mate because those forces are way too powerful to try to carry them together. It’s like oil and water, or chlorine and ammonia. There are forces that will cancel one another out, and then there are forces that will destroy one another. If you meet someone that is a “Go Getter” like you then that can be helpful is applied the right way. If you look at the ending result that if one of you make it then the door will be open unto you. If you see it as if they make they’ll leave you behind, then you need to examine what makes you feel that way. If their devotion to you is only limited to their current place in their life then maybe you need to depart before you get the door slammed on your fingers. If you know for certain that once you make it to the success you are driven for and you can’t see yourself turning around to offer a hand to your mate, then maybe you need to spare them the heartbreak of your over ambition and selfish success. Chase and I have many talents and the encouragement we give one another is key to the confidence in knowing that you have what it takes to do what you dream and what you envision. Chase and I can sing but Chase doesn’t write. I love all sorts of music and Chase prefers gospel and neo soul. I want to become an actor and so does Chase. I want to incorporate dance in my career but Chase doesn’t know how to dance. I can write and speak my expression with ease while Chase doesn’t have the patience to formulate his words to paper and he has to get his mind around his conversation because there can be so many things rolling around in his head at one time. Our differences also strengthen our similarities and knowing where we stand on either side of the spectrum makes it easier to hear criticism from one another and taking it has constructive and not destructive. As individuals your talents are like your children, you would go off if anyone tries to discipline them, and you rave in the glory when people praise them. Ambition is a very strong component in life and in love. If you can work tirelessly in the pursuit of success but give up on the relationship when it gets difficult, you have a serious priority issue and you may want to rethink your approach. Ambition can be your strength but it can also be your greatest weakness. When we are overly driven we can at times become victims of people that will take full advantage of that trait. The thought that someone has the key to your success can blind you to the signs that would normally tell you to back off and not trust this individual. We do that thought process when we date but when it comes to success we toss it to the wind and hope for the best. Love should be looked at as success as well as your talents. To meet the right person for you with there being so many people and so many choices should be seen as an achievement and not just another all right moment of triumph. Ambition steps in on the moment you decide that you have found the one and you want the one to notice you. It all takes a boost of ambition to get you to build up your nerve to go for what you want and what you need. Blind ambition applies to those that want but don’t focus on the steps to achieve. These people can be very reckless in their pursuit of success and they do not care what people say, what people feel, how they treat people, and what their negative actions do to others. There is a part of blind ambition that can be used as tools for great achievement and it is that endless strive and unwavering determination. The moment you decide you want to become more that what you are, your brain kicks into high gear and your imagination starts to create a world around the idea that you have made it to the finish line and your career is booming beyond belief. For me, that means your mind is testing you to see if you are ready for what is to come. If the idea of fame terrifies you but you want this to happen so badly, maybe it should be put aside until you have built your mind set up to handling all that comes with that career choice. My dream careers would be sing, writing, dancing, and acting. My experience in those fields have been successful with a smaller surrounding, but when the opportunity presents its self there is a strong surge of passion that builds with the idea so I know for a fact that I will go forth with my dream and the fear doesn’t get the best of me. To know where you’re strongest you need to expose yourself to a level that at least gives you a taste of what is to come. If you take the time to share your talents you’ll be amazed with your reaction. In a relationship the stress level can increase and it isn’t because of the relationship, it’s because you have so much you want to do; now you have this person in your life that supports you and yet you still aren’t getting your feet off of the ground. Without realizing it, your partner can pull you down to reality and give you a wakeup call to stop forcing things and just let them happen. Taking a hold of your destiny doesn’t require that you try to control everything; it just means you need to work towards it and stay focused. In my past relationships I didn’t get the support that was needed to keep me on track. Partially to blame is the men I dated during those moments, but I hold 99% of the blame for not pushing myself and relying on someone else to give me what I needed to succeed. It happens to the best of us, we want to do the right things, we want to get where we know we need to be but we have no idea of how to get there. My experience with Eugene is a perfect example of how far you fall when your dreams are taken from you. Eugene was a rising football star and he was known all over Georgia. His gift for the football field paved the way for him and he didn’t have to work hard at all. It was the perfect example of how the schools treat jocks with a future over great students that are genius in their studies. Being given so much power and control without having the necessary educational tools for life can cripple the jock when their dream is gone. Once Eugene got back on his feet from his car accident, the physical damage was over but the mental hunger for that career he was so close to remained. We could have a serious talk and he used football as metaphors for everything. It was something that stood out very strongly and everyone that witnessed it brought it to my attention. I already knew where those feelings were coming from and there were times when I brought it to his attention. Eugene’s ambition to become a football star was the greatest part of his life. His stardom bridged a gap between him and his siblings, life was simple, money was constant, and the possibilities were endless. After his dream was gone, Eugene was lost in a world where he didn’t feel he belonged. His family wasn’t as great as he thought, money became an issue, and the only happiness he could muster up was when he drank and partied. Alcohol became what we relied on and it seemed to numb him to the pain of what he saw as his greatest failure. By the time Eugene and I started dating the damage was done and it wasn’t enough for me to just love him. He needed to have that life back and because of his health restraints that dream was long gone and he couldn’t cope with being a regular Joe. No matter how hard I tried I couldn’t penetrate that brick wall around his heart and I couldn’t defeat that huge ego that followed him throughout his life. Near the end he realized what life he lived and how bad it became. Eugene found clarity however short it was, it was still the last part of his life that needed to be repaired. To die just days after reaching an epiphany is a blessing and at the same time a terrible loss. When he realized that his life was destroyed by the very things he tried to hold on to was huge for him, but he never got a chance to see how life would be after his full circle moment. When I look back at that time it still brings me great sadness. If only he could have lived through the brighter future that was coming. I wish I could have given him that light before it was too late. I know that our past wasn’t the best, but there was an unbreakable bond that no one could penetrate. It took several years for it to become apparent but nonetheless if was there and we created it together. My life and my relationship today is a testimony of the past I survived. My ambition for happiness is far greater than the ambition for a career in the fields I described early on. It truth that came to conclusion for me was no matter how high up the ladder I climbed, once I lost my footing there would be a love there to catch me, to mend me, to help me back on that ladder and climb along side of me as we reached our dreams together. A team isn’t just people placed together for a direct task, a team is a lifelong connection that gets you through life, gets you through what appears to be difficult and impossible. The team consists of people that love one another unconditionally and will always be there right by your side to make sure that you both achieve and build. I have been called extremely ambitious but I am also known for my belief in making everyone around me successful. Fame is boring if you don’t have people to share it with. Becoming the person I know I will become is the first step, but to create a foundation of people that can always remind me of who I truly am when the life takes so much out of me and I fear that I’m changing and losing my way. The people that truly love you will always tell you the truth. If you think you’re good at something and someone that loves you tells you otherwise, then it should be received with the love and respect it was given. The perfect example of people just supporting people and not being honest with them would be those auditions on American Idol. From the moment these people open their mouths the first thing that comes to my mind is that, “This child has no real people in their life to allow them to be on television and make a complete fool of their image”, though I am sure most people will audition despite their supporters honest critique. Ambition is a very attractive quality if worn properly. You can have all the talent in the world, but if you carry yourself as if you’re better than everyone else you can become the ugliest person walking this earth. There is always a too high, too low, and there is that fine line that lands you right in the middle. It’s that middle point that most people miss every time. Ego isn’t always a terrible thing but if you throw it around like a hammer, it gets pegged as the worst thing imaginable. So if you are this ambitious person with visions of your future that includes people you know that have talents but not the resources to get to that finish line, and you picture your success and you opening doors for those that have a focus for their future, then you are on the right track in life and you land right in that middle line of ambition. Success wears many colors and eventually you will get the colors to match and create a beautiful work of art. Be ambitious; teach your younger generation the proper way to achieve the goals that they are setting for their lives. Even if my life doesn’t get to where I imagined, I still feel the luxury of accomplishment because people are aware of my talents and no matter how small the audience, I will still perform and give it my all. I know the truth behind ambition and I also know how to tap into it to live the best way possible. “A man without dreams is a man stuck in a world where his vision is blurred from a lack of stimulation. A man that has passion but doesn’t know how to express it is a man carrying burdens that eventually wear his back out and keeps him from seeing the path ahead. I man without a voice will always be passed over and never given the opportunity to shine. A man that feels he’s better than everyone else will always feel alone because if you think you are better than everyone, then you are saying that no one is good enough for you. Be careful how you express and be mindful of the influence you possess. Being seen as great has its benefits and it also has its downfall. The benefit is encouraging and the downfall is being blind to destruction that is caused by your lack of understanding.” ©11/15/2011 By: Gregory James Upson