Unwanted Anniversary

Dear Brother, oh how the years seem to drag on for a life time
Every year I relive the moment you were taken away from me and how my life has been since you’ve been gone
I remember all of our special times together, all of the many jokes that we shared, the history we created together, the looks that we gave each other and understanding what each glare meant without uttering a word
Since you’ve been gone life has not been the same. Family connections aren’t what I expected; days linger with thoughts of where I would be if you were here
I no longer have that someone that knew me more than I knew myself, I no longer have that person that always pushed me to work as hard as I could but made the fall painless
Keep in mind that I am referencing family not my love and my friends
Since you’ve been gone I have met someone named Christopher Michael Watkins Sr. and he is the world to me, the crazy thing is that he reminds me so much of you in many ways, how he caters to me, how he worries about me, how he loves me endlessly, and how compulsive he is when it comes to cooking and cleaning! LOL!
My friends OJ and Clarence are still supporting me and they have my back so I’m not totally alone, they keep me smiling, they keep me focused, they keep me feeling as though I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, but honestly no one or nothing can fill the space that was left when you passed on
I see how true it is when they say you learn to live without that special someone but you never forget nor do you actually ever stop grieving
There are moments when it hits me hard and I can’t do anything but stop in my tracks and allow the pain to do what it does best and that’s to run its course and exit my soul
I learned that from you, to let the emotions exist and not try to fight them or run from them
Every year now on the month of March this dark cloud looms over my life and I know why it’s there and I know what it expects of me, but because of the wisdom, love, strength, support, dedication, loyalty, and unwavering trust that I received from you that cloud no longer bothers or scares me
Though there are many reasons to celebrate your life because of who you were and what you made me, this is always an unwanted anniversary because you aren’t here for a celebration
I know you are watching over me where ever you are right now and I feel your love and your presence
-Love you eternally Anthony Milton Upson,
from your brother