Prisoner Of Emotions

I pride myself in being able to tap into my emotions at times
It's a talent that so many people I've grown to know have not mastered that part yet
At the same time it can be a dangerous arsenal to have
When you experience painful moments
You tend to bury them because you feel that you've touched on them enough and you don't need to revisit them after that
What you don't realize is that they fester and grow as time goes on
The fear of building a life and hoping that those painful moments won't repeat themselves can over power
One of the biggest emotional issues that I fight on a daily is trust
After living a life that warrants so much trust, it's difficult to honestly give someone total trust of your heart and your life
Once trust has been shaken it can be difficult if not impossible to fix
Now it's possible to get through the storm, but how you end up after the storm has gone away is a whole other matter
We tend to picture people to be one way and then find there are more layers to them as time goes on
People tell you that things are one way, but in the heat of the moment the truth of their feelings shine through like sun beams on a cloudy day
Words that you hear and reactions that you see can give you a different feel for the person that you didn't think possible
You suddenly realize that their outlook of you isn't as great as they always said it was
You suddenly realize that the fight isn't for you, it's against you
It makes you sit and wonder if your choices that led you to this point were smart ones or choices fueled by your many emotions
At the surface things can always look great but once layers start to fall the picture can show all of the scratches and scrapes that you didn't see at first glance
You rewind your life from that moment and try to see where you could have noticed the possibility of this new appearance
You find yourself angrier at you than the other person
Then you wonder if you are at fault for hoping for the best and then feeling silly for feeling let down when the best wasn't given
At times we withdraw and drift off into our own minds because it can be safer there than to allow our feelings to bury us
Stepping back from something allows you time to review it and wonder if it's possible to salvage what's left and rebuild a whole new life from what remains
Then you wonder if you decide to do that, is the other person also willing or are they once again just telling you so because they feel it better to agree than to disagree
After so long with having control of your heart you feel that you slipped up and trusted someone that juggles it with no concern for the after math if they drop it
Deep inside you see the warmth and love that was there before, but now there's uncertainty, anger, blind self preservation, and overall total disregard for what they do
This cycle of thought and emotion can become a vicious one
When dealing with emotions there are never truly any winners or losers
In the end we are all just prisoners with a life sentence and no possibility for parole